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The Billion Dollar Button (that Doesn’t Exist…Yet) August 6, 2014

Posted by pointyhead in humor, pictures, work sucks.
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unsendInterested in sending scathing, profanity-rich emails without fear of reprisal?

Have you woken up “the morning after” and wish to eradicate all evidence of drunk-emailing?

Have you experienced the flop sweats associated with realizing (a second too late) you hit “reply all”?

If so, the UN-Send button is for you! With a single press of the UN-Send button, wield God-like powers to eliminate ALL traces of any email sent.

Standby for what is bound to be the most successful Kickstarter campaign in history!

Venn Diagram: Every Choice in Life July 29, 2014

Posted by pointyhead in humor, pictures.
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mind

If “Work” Hired a PR Firm: Ad #1 July 28, 2014

Posted by pointyhead in "Work's" Ad Campaign, humor, pictures, work sucks.
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work-funding the trip

Missile Command: An Autobigraphical Depiction of My Life July 28, 2014

Posted by pointyhead in humor, pictures, work sucks.
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Missile Command-My Life

The ONLY Way to Start a Monday July 21, 2014

Posted by pointyhead in humor, Videos.
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Truth in Marketing: Any IT Services Provider July 15, 2014

Posted by pointyhead in humor, pictures.
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pay us to blame us

Translated: Every IT Business Pitch Ever. July 10, 2014

Posted by pointyhead in humor.
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expensive

Mornings + People = Suck July 9, 2014

Posted by pointyhead in humor, pictures, work sucks.
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angrykitty

Consulting: Simplified June 17, 2014

Posted by pointyhead in humor, pictures.
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Consulting: Simplified

Venn Diagram of Almost EVERY Coversation June 16, 2014

Posted by pointyhead in humor, People Suck, pictures.
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Venn Diagram of Almost EVERY Conversation

How to “Graciously” Accept Criticism June 5, 2014

Posted by pointyhead in humor, People Suck, Your Opinion is Worthless.
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Working in a profession that often requires me to build consensus on what are universally brilliant ideas, I’ve been forced to develop the ability to “graciously” accept criticism and feedback (which is, without exception, wrong). This video clip from the World’s Greatest Band (Tenacious D) served as the inspiration for my entire philosophy of working collaboratively and accepting feedback.

The Unfortunate Results when Marketing and Management make “Creative” Decisions June 5, 2014

Posted by pointyhead in humor.
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Who wouldn’t want to be “graped” in the mouth.

How to Escape Aimless, Meandering Diatribes (Prototype) June 4, 2014

Posted by pointyhead in humor, People Suck.
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The Counter-Diatribe Card

As part of the ongoing series of how to engage with the tediously boring, I propose the “Counter-Diatribe Card” (it’s a working title, of course). I’ve done some preliminary alpha testing, with excellent results.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

Why Projects Fail June 4, 2014

Posted by pointyhead in humor, People Suck.
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While this clip is accurate in suggesting that projects fail because of “involved management”, I think the focus (however hilarious) was too narrow. I rarely paint with a broad brush, but it’s been my experience that projects fail because of one thing: people. True, managers (barely) fall within the super-set of “people”; but I propose that managers are merely the catalyst that activates the inherent laziness of people and harnesses the collective stupidity of the team.

If you’re reading this, you’ve either led a project to failure, or were a passenger on a project on a collision course with epic, catastrophic failure.

Having survived, what characteristics have YOU found to be common in failed projects (besides people, of course…I called dibs on that one.)

Office Design Tips by Ron Swanson June 3, 2014

Posted by pointyhead in humor.
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In this short video, Ron Swanson demonstrates many traits that embody true, visionary leadership. What is your favorite?

How to “Engage” with Tediously Boring People – Part I June 3, 2014

Posted by pointyhead in humor.
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How to be a Good Listener

In any given day, I typically find myself bored or irritated by roughly 100% of the people with whom I come into contact. While I’ve been unable to effectively master the body language to feign interest, I’ve done the next best thing: created a series of cards that I hand out to “handle” these situations. The first in this series is the “What is Coming out of Your Word Hole is Interesting” card. So far, it’s working like a charm. More in this series to follow.

Please share your coping mechanisms!

Hyperbolic Rebirth June 3, 2014

Posted by pointyhead in Uncategorized.
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Hyperbolic Rebirth

It’s been years since the last post on CU…mostly resulting from a complete lack of interest by both the readers (all two of them) and the author (who constituted half of the readership). The spirit of CU didn’t die, it has just been losing the battle to laziness. However, like the Phoenix, the driving force behind this mastery of satire, wisdom, and wit has finally kicked laziness’ ass. I’m pretty sure that’s the EXACT myth of the Phoenix. To that end, Pointyhead is coming out of his work/life-induced coma to share his thoughts with…well…no one except those who get redirected here from rubbish search engines.

And to you, intrepid searcher (for porn, probably), I ask you to prepare yourself for the AWESOME!

Thinking Blog Award: Kudos or Cause for Concern June 18, 2007

Posted by pointyhead in Uncategorized.
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Last week (or the week before…it’s difficult to pinpoint the actual date as the Chogey timeline is typically a blur of mind-numbing days interspersed by moments of pure hell), Chogeys United was broadsided by something completely unexpected—an award. While the details are still a bit sketchy, and the use of mind altering chemicals has not yet been completely ruled-out, The Ominous Comma included CU bestowed the “Thinking Blog” award to CU and a few other “worthy” blogs (listed below)

Scrambled Toast
It Came from Allen’s Brain
Mattress Police
Life in M-Town

The elation of being awarded ANYTHING, much less something that included the word “thinking”, was soon replaced by suspicion and then outright paranoia. Don’t get me wrong, we at CU are certainly proud of our cynical, infrequent, and often infantile posts. Our charter to create a place for all disgruntled and disenfranchised employees worldwide is noble. The suspicion resulting from kudos is from the knowledge that the execution of our charter is lackluster…at best.

I took some time to review the other blogs receiving the award…and was humbled. Each site had a different flavor, but they all shared a common theme of well-constructed, mature (not is a dirty way), and often insightful posts. In contrast, Chogeys United’s content is defined by putting forth the least amount of effort and thought required to avoid plagiarism and get a chuckle from curious onlookers.

That being said, we appreciate the award!

Jobs Worse Than Yours: The 1-Man Walking Starbucks June 12, 2007

Posted by pointyhead in bad jobs, humor, pictures, work sucks.
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Source: Webtown

Workplace Role: The “Fogey” June 5, 2007

Posted by pointyhead in humor, life of a chogey, pictures, signs you are a chogey, work sucks.
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fogey.jpg

The fluorescent lights flicker, tentatively crackling at first, but then sputtering into full brilliance. The gentle humming marks and pale, color-draining light marks the beginning of the day in our office ecosystem.

There is little activity as most of the workplace dwellers are either still asleep, strengthening their bodies in vain preparation for challenging the Alpha, or securing precious caffeine to heighten their senses against ruthless predators.

The workplace is not completely devoid of life, however. A lone inhabitant leisurely plods through the cube mazes with a confidence (or apathy) that has been earned by years of tracking the patterns of smarter, faster, and stronger office dwellers. This hulking beast, clad in too-tight shirts, polyester pants, and clip-on ties, is the “Fogey”.

The “Fogey” is an interesting chogey sub-class and an enigma to science. By all measurable traits, the “Fogey” is the easiest prey in the office. They are typically overweight, plodding, and frequently announce their position with hacks, snorts, and other sundry expulsions. And yet, the “Fogey” is defined by their age and tenure in the office. There are two prevailing theories as to the survivability of the “Fogey”.

The Tainted Mojo Theory: This theory states that the office predators (especially the “Evil Oppressors”) avoid the “Fogey” out of fear that its taint of failure and mediocrity will somehow be transferred to them if they come into contact. Evil Oppressors typically use lower-ranking members of its pack (i.e. middle management) to isolate “Fogeys” through assigning menial tasks that preclude any interaction with others. This theory also explains the origin of Accounting/Finance. This theory is the most widely accepted…with the only opposition coming from those in Accounting/Finance.

The No-Mercy Theory: Another popular theory is that office predators consider taking down a “Fogey” as an act of mercy. While not as popular as the Tainted Mojo Theory, this theory has some compelling supporting evidence. First, it is universally accepted that office predators (especially Evil Oppressors) are not only completely devoid of mercy, but often go to great lengths in tormenting their prey over an extended period of time. Further, the “Fogey”‘s torment is usually spread out over years and by several predators. This theory suggests that the “Fogey” torment is almost an heirloom or birthright passed down several generations of Evil Oppressors. This theory is certainly worthy of more study.

While research into the survivability of the “Fogey” is making progress, little is known about the early lives of “Fogeys”. It is known that “Fogeys” evolve from another chogey sub-class…but no one has been able to map this evolution with any accuracy. Until more is know, ALL chogeys must be vigilant against getting on the road to fogeydom.

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