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Mondays: The Chogey Day of Mourning April 30, 2007

Posted by pointyhead in humor, life of a chogey.
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I would like to start by acknowledging that not ALL Chogeys begin their work weeks on Monday. Many of our Chogey Brothers and Sisters in retail don’t have the luxury of a Mon-Fri work week. While my heart goes out to this sub-class of Chogey (more on the Chogey Class System later), the “Seven Days of Chogeydom” is written primarily for the M-F Chogey. That being said…

For Chogeys worldwide, Monday is the Universal Day of Mourning. The day begins with the ritual Chogey expletive upon waking and the realization that Life’s Cruel Treadmill is ready to be mounted. Many Chogeys use a few minutes of quiet reflection in bed to exercise the “snooze” button in a vain effort to extend the weekend. It is common to use this time to figure out an excuse (ANY excuse) to avoid work. For most, this brainstorming continues through the clean up and grooming period. The point of no return generally comes once the work clothes are donned. There are many theories for why the work clothes diminish the will to avoid work, but those will be shared another time.

The Morning (or mourning) Chogey Ritual differs widely at this point. Some need coffee. Some read the newspaper (often hoping some calamity has struck their workplace). Some Chogeys even try to exercise. The end result is the same, however–the Pilgrimage of Pain.

The Pilgrimage of Pain can be as short as walk from the bedroom to the den or as long as cross-country flight to “the client site”. Regardless of the distance, time passes in Matrix-like “bullet time” that offers the maximum amount of painful reflection per unit of distance. Despite efforts to distract the mind through music, books-on-tape, or swearing/gesturing at other Pilgrims; there is always time to wonder “why”.

Eventually the Chogey arrives at work and settles in to The Routine. Unfortunately, The Routine is virtually indistinguishable from day to day. Although, the Day of Mourning usually has more email traffic to gather details/verify Chogey actions over the weekend. It’s not uncommon for one Chogey to ask another “did I really do that Saturday night” or “do you remember…”. These emails are quickly followed by either apologies or outright denials.

The Day of Mourning officially comes to an end once the Chogey crosses the threshold of his/her abode. With a mild sense of accomplishment or quiet resignation, the Chogey may crack a beer, watch “24”, and brace themselves for Tuesday…

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