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Thursday: Friday’s “Pilot” May 3, 2007

Posted by pointyhead in humor, life of a chogey, work sucks.
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I would like to say that the delay of today’s definition of “Thursdays for Chogeys” was intentional. A more adept writer could have used the delay to illustrate how things just take longer on Thursdays. According to yesterday’s highly-accurate graph, Thursdays are largely dedicated to surfing the internet and personal emails…with a little spacing-out thrown in for mental health. While such a delay is supported by empirical data, I personally believe it would not have done justice to Thursday’s TRUE nature. While the specific details of this morning’s activities hardly warrant discussion, I CAN tell you that magenta toner is difficult to wash off of one’s hands…and impossible to remove from a white shirt (facts that most Office Chogeys probably already know). With that crisis behind me, and only a faint carcinogenic hue on my hands…I sit here (shirtless) and ready to give you…[drum roll]…Thursday: Friday’s “Pilot”. That preamble probably bored most to tears…and will leave those remaining sadly disappointed by what follows.

As most Application Develop Chogeys (ADC for short) know, a “pilot” is often used to ensure a smooth deployment for high-visibility/highly-important products. I submit that there are few activities that are more important to a Chogey than Fridays. Friday is not only the gateway to the weekend, but also an important weekly milestone–survival of yet another week.

The reckless amongst our ranks may contend that a pilot is unnecessary for something as beautiful, magnificent, and recurring as a Friday. They may ask: “how hard is it to avoid work all day”? On the surface, it is a reasonable question. However, the truth is much more complicated. Simple avoidance of work (especially on a Friday) is not that difficult. True chogeys hone that skill into what can only be described as an art. What the reckless fail to recognize is that work avoidance is only a means to an end. The “end game” is laying the plans in place to optimize the weekend. This optimization requires extending work avoidance to anything even RESEMBLING work (e.g. chores, yard work, bills, quality time with the significant other, etc.) for two whole days with minimal effort. A daunting task, even for the adept. It is therefore essential to run a pilot. And that’s why God gave us Thursdays.

Actual pilot activities will differ from chogey to chogey, but there are some common critical success factors to consider:

1) If there is a chance your boss may require you to work on the weekend, Thursdays are the absolute LATEST to manufacture, “battle harden”, and subtly share excuses with the Evil Oppressor. Family (including the significant other) is ALWAYS a good fallback, but be careful not to overdo it. Try to throw in athletic events and volunteer work to avoid suspicion and make you appear more well-rounded than you are.

2) Take advantage of Thursday Happy Hours…especially work-related ones. EOs frequently like to have “team building” events on Thursdays that may involve the consumption of alcohol. ATTEND THESE! While it’s important to build the Buzz Foundation, don’t go overboard. It is more important to get the EO drunk and claim he/she cleared your weekend while they were in a state of dimished capacity.

3) Use your several hours of personal emailing to make coordinate mutual alibis with your Chogey Network. If you said you’re doing volunteer work, have a trusted chogey act as a front. I’m not suggesting that you outright lie, but a Saturday drinking beer at a fellow chogey’s house could be “reframed” into “helping an associate work through a challenge supply management problem”. This gives the appearance of building your personal network and voluntarily expanding skills that may be outside of your sweet spot–all of which make EOs drool.

4) Finally, create a “slug stopper” for a piece of medium-importance work that your EO has asked for in the past. While the EO may have forgotten about (or never even explicitly assigned you) the task…through a few slides/pages together that are JUST good enough to be accepted by the EO and subsequently placed in “the pile” or better yet the trash. This makes the EO think you’ve been working all week and that you are actively seeking their guidance and assistance. It’s like jingling keys in front of a baby. Don’t worry, a true EO will never read the content.

While there are countless other techniques employed by chogeys worldwide, these 4 should be considered “must dos”. Feel free to share your own…a good one may get a t-shirt!

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