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Workplace Role: The “Fogey” June 5, 2007

Posted by pointyhead in humor, life of a chogey, pictures, signs you are a chogey, work sucks.
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The fluorescent lights flicker, tentatively crackling at first, but then sputtering into full brilliance. The gentle humming marks and pale, color-draining light marks the beginning of the day in our office ecosystem.

There is little activity as most of the workplace dwellers are either still asleep, strengthening their bodies in vain preparation for challenging the Alpha, or securing precious caffeine to heighten their senses against ruthless predators.

The workplace is not completely devoid of life, however. A lone inhabitant leisurely plods through the cube mazes with a confidence (or apathy) that has been earned by years of tracking the patterns of smarter, faster, and stronger office dwellers. This hulking beast, clad in too-tight shirts, polyester pants, and clip-on ties, is the “Fogey”.

The “Fogey” is an interesting chogey sub-class and an enigma to science. By all measurable traits, the “Fogey” is the easiest prey in the office. They are typically overweight, plodding, and frequently announce their position with hacks, snorts, and other sundry expulsions. And yet, the “Fogey” is defined by their age and tenure in the office. There are two prevailing theories as to the survivability of the “Fogey”.

The Tainted Mojo Theory: This theory states that the office predators (especially the “Evil Oppressors”) avoid the “Fogey” out of fear that its taint of failure and mediocrity will somehow be transferred to them if they come into contact. Evil Oppressors typically use lower-ranking members of its pack (i.e. middle management) to isolate “Fogeys” through assigning menial tasks that preclude any interaction with others. This theory also explains the origin of Accounting/Finance. This theory is the most widely accepted…with the only opposition coming from those in Accounting/Finance.

The No-Mercy Theory: Another popular theory is that office predators consider taking down a “Fogey” as an act of mercy. While not as popular as the Tainted Mojo Theory, this theory has some compelling supporting evidence. First, it is universally accepted that office predators (especially Evil Oppressors) are not only completely devoid of mercy, but often go to great lengths in tormenting their prey over an extended period of time. Further, the “Fogey”‘s torment is usually spread out over years and by several predators. This theory suggests that the “Fogey” torment is almost an heirloom or birthright passed down several generations of Evil Oppressors. This theory is certainly worthy of more study.

While research into the survivability of the “Fogey” is making progress, little is known about the early lives of “Fogeys”. It is known that “Fogeys” evolve from another chogey sub-class…but no one has been able to map this evolution with any accuracy. Until more is know, ALL chogeys must be vigilant against getting on the road to fogeydom.

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Workplace Role: The “Bogey” May 27, 2007

Posted by pointyhead in humor, life of a chogey, Rules of Chogeyness, signs you are a chogey, work sucks.
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The modern day office is a complex ecosystem that is home to both prey and predator. Management struts with impunity through the Cubicle Plains with few threats…while Chogeys cower and group together in a desperate attempt to keep their ilk sheltered from the frequent attacks against their ranks. Much like the mercats of the African Serengeti, Chogeys have specialized in order to ensure the long term survivability of the breed. The first Chogey sub-class we will explore is the “Bogey”.

Description: The primary role of the “Bogey” is to distract management attention away from the activities of the pack. While the root causes elude scientists, Bogeys typically receive immediate attention by Predatorial Management upon introduction to the environment. Common characteristics include an inability to use PowerPoint effectively, fix “PC LOAD LETTER” errors, or remember the difference between Venti Skim Machiatos and Double-Shot Grande Lattes.

Regardless of the source of their problems, the bumblings of Bogeys allow other Chogeys to focus on their work within the community. The lifespan of a Bogey is comparatively brief…but their sacrifice is crucial for the survival of The Pack.

Defeat Reloaded May 8, 2007

Posted by chogey6 in humor, pictures, signs you are a chogey.
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DefeatĀ reloaded
Since we are on the topic of Defeat, I thought I would add in a copy of a favorite Despair, Inc. http://despair.com/ product. You guys over there can thank me for the free ad whenver you like.

Avoid this Sign Post on YOUR road to Career Progression? May 8, 2007

Posted by pointyhead in humor, pictures, signs you are a chogey, work sucks.
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On the road of career progression, many chogeys mistakingly take the exit to “Loserville”. Be extremely careful if you find yourself surrounded by those eager to make copies, fetch coffee, wear undersized shirts, and voluntarily explore comb-over options; as these are signs you have entered “Loserville”.

While the Path of the Chogey inevitably leads to such career backwater locales as Loserville, exercise the same caution you would in the Deep South. Stop long enough the refuel, never travel in teams of less than two, and NEVER ask for directions from the locals.
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Been there? Get the T-Shirt!