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Rules of Chogeyness #254: Wearing a tux to work automatically makes you a chogey. May 2, 2007

Posted by pointyhead in bad jobs, Chogeys in the Field, humor, pictures, Rules of Chogeyness, work sucks.
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work-sucks_tuxedo.jpg

It is obvious the subject (and photographer) of this photo has reached an advanced stage of chogeyness. Note his expression and the cut of his shirt. Pure chogeyness.

Original link to “Work Sucks.”

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Wednesday: The Day That Defies Math May 2, 2007

Posted by pointyhead in humor, life of a chogey, work sucks.
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It has become a part of the great American lexicon to refer to Wednesdays as “hump day”. I have always thought that doesn’t do the day justice. Sure, when you look at the cold, hard data, Wednesdays shouldn’t feel as good as they do.

Consider the math. Assume a typical chogey puts in 10 hours/day. When our hypothetical chogey wakes up on Wednesday (happy to have reached “hump day”), he has only worked 20 out of the 50 hours. Without further assumptions, the 3/5 of the week is remaining…more than half! Are marathon runners psyched to have ONLY 15.6 miles left to run? Do school children start getting ready for summer in the middle of February? Probably not…but herein lies the beauty of Wednesday: It defies all laws of mathematics…or does it. Let’s consider a few additional assumptions that may explain why Wednesday feels so good.

First, almost every bar in every city steps up their happy hour game on Wednesdays. While there’s no mathematical support for this, I submit that dollar draughts create a temporal distortion that actually makes the rest of the week shorter. Of course, this is only possible with proper buzz maintenance and hangover avoidance techniques. A hangover has been proven empirically to have a time-stretching effect that transports the chogey back to the Evil Treadmill—Tuesday. These are radical theories that will be explored further at a later time.

A more plausible (or at least mathematically supported) reason for Wednesday’s appeal is how the remaining 30 hours of “work” are spent. The graph below was created after gathering extensive data on how a typical chogey spends his/her week:

work-chart1.jpg

While the total number of hours per day remains constant, the distribution across standard chogey activities (e.g. work, personal emails, net browsing, and “spacing out”) varies over time.

According to the graph, there are only 6 hours of actual work remaining on Wednesday. The remaining time is largely spent making plans for the weekend, spamming friends with funny emails, blogging , and the ever popular “spacing out”. THIS (and the dollar draughts) explains the goodness of Wednesday.

Bad Jobs: Walking Bratwurst Stand May 1, 2007

Posted by pointyhead in bad jobs, pictures, work sucks.
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Original Link on Flickr

Classic Chogey Moment: The TPS Report May 1, 2007

Posted by pointyhead in humor, Office Space, Videos, work sucks.
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More Office Space Quotes here.

Tuesdays: The Workweek’s Evil Treadmill May 1, 2007

Posted by pointyhead in humor, life of a chogey, work sucks.
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tuesdays.gif
What is Tuesday like for a Chogey? The best explanation for this requires a little thought experiment. Imagine yourself held captive in a dark, musty dungeon. The only illumination in your cell is provided by a buzzing, flickering fluorescent lamp missing one of its support chains. Despite the complete lack of fresh air, the lamp miraculously sways…casting eerie snapshots of the room’s sole object—a treadmill.

As part of some demented psychological torture, your captors require you to stay on the treadmill for at least 8 hours a day. Sometimes you have to walk. Sometimes you have to run. Sometimes you stand still. There is no discernible pattern or reason…but you must remain on the treadmill to receive your daily gruel. Refusing to do so only lands you in another cell, on another treadmill—both just as bad as the last one.

Now, imagine that you have been on the treadmill JUST long enough for the wonderful afterglow of freedom to have faded…but not nearly long enough for the second wind that comes from knowing the end is near. That’s what a Tuesday feels like to a Chogey.